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![]() Kill it!
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Field-dressingOK, now we're ready to get down to business. Got yer sharp knife? Good! To begin, either hang your unicorn head up (hope you remember how to tie a noose!) or place him on the ground belly up with his head uphill on an incline. There's going to be blood, a lot of drippy stinky unicorn blood and you don't want that stuff puddling up around your boots. Cut through the center line of the belly from the unicorn's asshole to neck without cutting through any organs (see figure 1). It's not recommended that you save the unicorn's head for mounting purposes but we will discuss removal of the horn a little later.
SkinningAfter you've smuggled your very dead unicorn (he ain't got his Toober no more does he!) home to your yard, hang the beast by the head or legs and make cuts up the inside of all the legs from the original center cut. Cut through the skin all the way around each leg near the hoof and peel the skin off the legs, pulling it down the body like, haha, like taking off a sock! The skin will peel off like, haha, a stiff banana peel! If necessary, use the knife to seperate the skin from the body, taking care not to cut through the hide. About that hornIt's worth a lot. A lot, a lot. It's why you shot that mangy animal to begin with, though gamey stew for months and months is an additional bonus. Here's what you do: get a huge saw and go to town on that horn, cutting as close to the skull as possible. It's a tough job as the horn is protected by magic powers and stuff but you can do it! Drink a Red Bull! Once you horse the horn off, sell it somewhere shady. Like China. Good luck using this field guide! |
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